If-Then

I think there’s this common misconception in the Christian faith that if we do everything right then we will get everything we want. I think this comes into play when we think about the Psalm 37:4-5 verse:

“Delight yourself in the Lord; and He will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the Lord, trust also in Him, and He will do it.”

I got an email yesterday with this verse in it and it got me thinking. The thing we do with this verse is paraphrase. If you’ve grown up in the Christian faith, you’ve heard it a million times. But what we hear is “He will give you the desires of your heart” and we don’t hear the rest.

And even if you do hear the rest of the verse, that doesn’t mean you get it. I know I don’t get it. What I mean by this is that I still have this tendency to approach God with an If-Then statement… “If I love God then I will get”… you fill in the blank.

But that’s not how God is and I’m learning that everyday. This past summer I was really angry with God, and at some moments, I can still be. This mainly had to do with the fact that I was a fresh college graduate and still single. I was under the belief that if I did everything right and followed God’s ways then I would get a boyfriend and the perfect job by the time I graduated. None of that has happened yet, and I can honestly say that I am at peace with that now.

The reason that I feel at peace about all of this is because I think I’m starting to realize what this verse truly means.

Let’s take some time to focus on the parts that we normally forget. First, “Delight yourself in the LORD.”- Find your joy in Him. Not in the things that could or haven’t happened yet. The thing is, if you truly delight in the LORD, the deepest desires of your heart are already fulfilled in him, because he provides everything you need. I’m not saying you’re never going to get the things you want most, but if you find peace in God, then you find peace and patience in your heart to trust God’s timing.

That leads to the other part we forget to remember. “Commit your way to the LORD, trust also in Him”. In our times of waiting for the deepest desires of our hearts we cannot waiver in God. Commit to Him, like you would commit to your significant other in life. Being a follower of Christ means that you are in a relationship and there are sacrifices and compromises you need to make in order to serve that person.

I think about that all the time… If I didn’t serve Jesus, then I would have given something as simple as a kiss to any guy who looked at me (that may be extreme, but just an example). The point is, at the end of the day, choose God. Do everything in your power to do His bidding. Serve Him and trust in Him even if it means you don’t have everything you want in life, because getting what you want isn’t always fulfilling. Trust in God and his timing.

I really do believe that God grants us the desires of our hearts, but in His time, not our own. I also don’t know if we always know what our deepest desires are. I know that I have always wanted to eventually have a husband and a family, but I didn’t know until recently that I also desire to be leader in the church.

If God had granted me a husband now, then he wouldn’t have brought me more joy by discovering pieces of my life ambition and hopes. The thing is, by doing things God’s way, he becomes more glorified in the end. I pray and hope that by pursuing seminary and church work, that God’s kingdom will be further expanded through me. And while right now I may really hope and pray for a significant other, God might think and know that that’s not what is truly in my heart (even though I think it is).

At the end of the day God knows what our true desires are, even if we don’t, and that is a wonderful thing. God’s timing and purpose is superior to all things, and I find my hope and joy in that. So if I continue to be single for forever, then I’m at peace with that. Do I hope that God grants me that desire in my heart, yes. But above all, I really hope that I can trust, commit, and delight in the LORD, for He is good and above all things. Seeing Him as an If-Then God, does no one any good, for it taints our expectations and hopes of who he really is.

So let me say one more time, “Delight yourself in the Lord; and He will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the Lord, trust also in Him, and He will do it.”

Me, Insecure?!? NEVER!!!

Have you ever noticed that in the moments you feel most insecure, those are the moments you act like the biggest idiot? I have, at least for myself.

There’s something about being surrounded by people that you’re not the most comfortable around so then you end up boasting about this or that and how awesome you are… then if you run into someone who also insecure about themselves, and you find yourself in a One-Upper battle with them, and that’s just a disaster waiting to happen.

Most of the time, my insecurities come out with the people that I’ve known the longest. I’m not quite sure why this is but I’m assuming it has something to do with the fact that they’ve known me at my worst times. A lot of the times when I end up hanging out with these people I want to show them that I’m not the same as when I was younger and more foolish. I so badly want to impress them with who I have become.

But does that really mean I’ve become much better than what I was before? I mean, I am still a sinner and I will always be one until the day I die. I know there is such thing as growth and maturity, so don’t misinterpret me and think all of this is pointless. But what I think I am slowly learning is that the insecurities we fill ourselves with are what hold us back. And not only that, it’s more important place your security in Christ.

I find the moments I’m most at peace in a social situation, I’m trusting God with what He wants me to say and do. When I trust God my insecurities fade away.

So if you go into a social situation feeling insecure, hum this verse of Stuart Townend’s song “How Deep The Father’s Love For Us”

“I will not boast in anything

No gifts, no power, no wisdom

But I will boast in Jesus Christ

His death and resurrection”

Boast in your Savior, boast in His love for you, boast in the fact that you are valued by Him. All other sources where you find your value are nothing in comparison to finding value in Jesus.

A Small Dose Of Fear

The other day while at work a co-worker of mine had a moment of stress and he yelled “JESUS!” and then looked at me and quickly apologized knowing that I am a Christian. I replied with a quick “its fine”, and then I found myself pondering this little moment.

I wish would have said something a little different, because this guy put the LORD’s name in vain. I wasn't offended because I know for a fact he doesn’t acknowledge the existence of God. But I wish I would have said, “don’t worry about me, worry about God”. This may come off as a judgmental comment, but lets be serious for a second. If there truly is a God, which I believe there is, don’t you think using His name as a form of profanity should put a little fear in your britches? I do.

Listen, I’m not trying to get all high and mighty, but really think about what you say and who hears you. God does, and one of His commandments is to not put His name in vain. If you claim Him as your savior then that means you believe he has power over all creation, which should probably mean you should have a proper amount of fear for Him. I’m not saying this means that God is going to smite you, that’s where His grace and mercy comes in, but he has the capability to strike you down. So therefore approach your God with respect. Fear Him, be afraid of the fact that he can end you in a breath. Please, if you claim Christianity don’t say things like “Oh My God”, or “God Damn it”, because those are some serious things to say.

With all of that said. If you’re not a Christian or don’t believe in a higher power then please, don’t apologize to Christians for your choice in wording, because at the end of the day, you don’t have to answer to me or my brothers and sisters in Christ, but you’ll eventually have to answer to God. I’m sure you disagree with me, and that’s fine. But for your sake, I hope that someday God can reveal Himself to you in a way that you can accept Him.

So please, if you acknowledge Jesus as Lord then take the time to think about His name and respect it.

Gifts

I normally try not to have expectations. The reason for this is because I am a very dramatic person, so normally my expectations are fairly grandiose, and of course, they’re let down quite tragically because they were too high in the first place.

I have this problem particularly when I give gifts. I’m not one to give gifts too quickly. A lot of this has to do with the fact that I’m pretty selfish and frugal and I get anxious when I have to spend money on gifts. That’s why I normally try to give things that are meaningful and fairly cheap. An example of this is last years Christmas gifts to my family.

I got each member a picture frame with a picture of the two of us together. Then I wrote a heartfelt note about how much they mean to me and how I love them. This was quite a success and I had both my parents crying. I was quite proud of myself.

On other occasions there are gifts that I’ve given and (to me), they seem unappreciated. I go into this whole gift giving thing thinking that the receiver of my gift is going be so moved that they’ll cry and say, “How can I ever repay you”!

You see? I’m quite dramatic. I’m not saying my friends aren’t grateful for the gifts I’ve given them; I just expect more of a reaction.

But this got me thinking a little bit… about the gift of Jesus. Sometimes I wonder if God feels the way I feel about my gift giving…. Underwhelmed. Here God sent His Only Son to earth to live among men, be pursued and tempted by the devil (which didn’t even phase Him and therefore He is the ONLY perfect human being), to be crucified on a cross and tormented by bearers of his image, and then to rise from the dead carrying our sins upon his shoulders. And yet, do I thank God for the grace he’s given me through his son? No.

I mean I do thank God for this gift, but do I thank Him in a way that is appropriate and glorifying to Him? I don’t think I do, at least not in the way he deserves. 

So what I’m trying to say is be grateful and show it to the Lord. We’re in the holiday season now, when it’s so easy to get caught up in the excessive shopping, Christmas shows and decorations, music and family time, (which are good things… well maybe not the shopping part) but let me remind you the greatest gift we have ever received. That gift is Jesus Christ. We are free when we choose to follow him and for that I am eternally grateful.

Be A Man, Man

I’ve been a little on the silent side lately, this may be because I’ve been fairly confused and frustrated about some things and it’s literally taken me about 4 months to organized my thoughts.

Here’s the thing… I’m tired of being that girl who says that she’s okay with being single, because truthfully, I’m not. I have been single for 99.9 percent of my physical existence and ever since the 3^rd grade I have wanted a significant other.

My first crush was a boy named Josh, then it moved on to Matt (my 4^th grade friend, Rachel’s boyfriend), then Ryan (who liked my second cousin), then Nick. In seventh grade, I was crazy about Daniel Radcliffe (Harry Potter) because we had the exact same birthday, year and all. When eighth grade came I fantasized about the guy who played Peter Pan in that movie. Freshman year I was crazy about a guy named Grant, I would take the long way to class just to get a glimpse of him. And then sophomore year came along and I was crazy for my best friend Ross… We went on a choir trip to Europe and I was determined to have my first kiss with him on the Eiffel Tower (that didn’t happen). Then Junior and Senior year, there was Dan, he was the light of my day… but that was something that would never and will never happen. Move on to College and then we have Zach, my freshman crush, and then after him another guy I have finally just gotten over. There were 2 other guys that were flings, Ben and Jesse. They were stints, moments, and then they ended.

You’re probably wondering why I am giving you all this info. Count the number of guys I liked that didn’t like me back…11… I’m sure there are more, but these are the significant ones, the long term crushes, the closest things I have to a long term relationship.

Now all of these crushes, I’m thankful that none of them came into fruition. Because regardless of if my crushes knew if I liked them or not, they didn’t see me. And even though I did what little pursuing I thought was appropriate for a girl to do, they still didn’t see me. I know that I’m an outspoken and fairly independent girl, I still deserve to be pursued. Now lets move on to my next point.

I think its fair to say that dating has become somewhat trivial in today’s society, especially for my generation. If you disagree with me, then you’re nuts.

I think I've made it clear that I haven’t really ever been in a serious relationship… ever…The thing is that I keep getting told by other people that I have to take action, join a dating site or be outgoing and ask a guy out. But what happened to the guy being the pursuer? Why can’t he buck up and ask a girl out?

So many girls who are in my shoes have been asking themselves this extremely self-deprecating question: What is wrong with me? Why aren’t guys interested in me? Why am I in my 20’s and still single? Then people go on to diagnose. I keep getting told that I am intimidating… I’m still trying to figure out what that means. But here’s the thing that I’m slowly realizing. There is nothing wrong with me. Guys are just pansies. They’re so afraid to have their pride hindered that they never build up the courage to ask a girl out. Instead, they play games and try to see if the girl is halfway interested… and sometimes, even if the girl is interested, the guy loses interest. Well guys, this makes you a coward, and I am disappointed in you.

What has happened in my generation to make guys quiver at the thought of asking a girl out on a simple date? Why is it that a girl has to do so much work to get a guy’s attention? And Why can’t we just be straight forward with our feelings?

And lets get back to this whole idea that I (the girl) have to take action… Why do I have to? For hundreds of years, it has been the guys responsibility to pursue… So man up and pursue! Be a flippin’ Man and not a little boy!

I don’t want to say that dating websites are hopeless, because I know quite a few successful couples from these sites. But as for me I’m going to hold out on this, because I have hope that there is a MAN out there for me, who is going to have the courage to walk up to me and ask me out. He’s not going to toy with me and be wishy washy, he’s not going be half interested and then back away (like some other guys have done to me). The man I deserve is someone who is confident and sure of himself, he loves Jesus, he is going to ask me on a proper date and take me out. None of this “hang out as friends” crap.

Guys if you’re halfway interested in a girl, be intentional and have courage. If you find out later that its not right, then just tell her instead of just cutting her off. Yes, it will suck to have to tell her you’re not interested, but I promise you that in the long run she will respect you more for just being open and honest.

Some of you may be thinking that I’m being a little harsh and bitter. And maybe I am. But here’s the thing. As a follower of Christ, I am looking for the man who is going to be my husband and I (and many of my friends) need someone who will be the head of the house and spiritual leader, someone who will be a man.

Ephesians 5:22-27 says this, “Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the Church, his body, of which he is the Savior… Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word”.

I have a right to say to my Brothers in Christ, to quit playing games, be respectful and straight forward. Because the games that you have been playing with me and many other girls are getting old, and you need be the leaders we need to depend on. You need to be a Man, Man.

Our "ever silent" God

Sometimes I have these conversations with God. They go something like this:

“God, what you want from me?”

No answer

“God, seriously I’m trying to listen, what you want from me… what do you want me to do?"

Again, no answer.

These moments are frustrating because we feel like we are praying to the ever silent, invisible God. Then we find ourselves questioning and debating his very existence.

But know this my friends. God is always around, and even though we may not see, feel or hear Him, He is working.

Tonight I had a conversation with my friend Dinah, she is an incredible young woman who fears the Lord, and He spoke through her. It doesn’t matter what our conversation was about, but it matters that I saw my King in her, and that is beautiful.

I think sometimes we forget that God is in all things. He speaks in the most unexpected places and works through His faithful servants, and even the unfaithful. We try to define how God communicates, but we can just never know. God is God and that is that.

How beautiful is that, our indefinable God. So next time you feel like God isn’t there, just try to see Him in the small places, see how He works in those around you, look for encouraging words on walls, accept good thoughts that come into your head. God is there, He is in all things.

                       

Waiting For What?

I think a lot of people my age are playing this stupid little waiting game. What I mean by this is that so many of us have this mentality of waiting for our lives to start. We’re waiting to fall in love, waiting to get answers on our dream jobs, waiting to arrive in our relationship with Christ.

Incase you may need a reality check, our lives started well before we were even born, but for our little pea brains, we’ll just say that our lives started when we entered into the physical world.

So lets stop waiting and start living! We always think about our future and what it will be like then, instead of what it’s like now. We are waiting for tomorrow to happen! I’m not saying that we need to completely throw planning ahead out of the window. But why can’t we just live in today.

A lot of girls do this thing when they just start a relationship, or even when they’re in a puppy-love crush state with a guy. They imagine what their life will be like with this guy when they settle down and get married. First, they have no idea where this relationship is going and shouldn’t plan a marriage until a ring is on the finger. This is so unwise, it creates expectations of tomorrow that may never be. We idealize about the future, we always think that it will be better than today.

You can never know. In your lowest of lows and highest of highs, you don’t know what trials and joys are to come. Rejoice in every moment, the good bad and the ugly.

This may be some kind of rant that has been all over the place. But I’m tired for myself. Waiting… waiting for what? Things will happen when God wants them to, I am in no hurry, I don’t think God wants us to sit on our butts and complain about the things that are currently not happening for us. We have a responsibility to live for him in EVERY moment whether we feel we are in a good or bad place. He will be used and glorified.

What I’m trying to say is that in your waiting, do not complain, don’t be stagnant, and don’t hope for things to just happen. Waiting involves prayer, trust in God’s plan, and service to Him. But I can’t believe that we are meant to just sit and wait.

Continue to bring Christ’s Kingdom to earth in every moment.