Pursued

I deserve to be pursued.

If you’re like me then you will understand the art of useless chasing. What do I mean by this?

Since I can remember I have always had crushes on boys that don’t like me back. This isn’t a “woe is me” moment, its just a fact.

Have you ever noticed that when people talk about girls liking boys they say that they “chase” after them, but when they talk about boys liking girls, then its they “pursue” them. I chased boys, uselessly.

I remember when I was a freshman in high school I fell in love with this boy, he was a sophomore and he was the lead in the play. He was so dreamy and had no idea who I was. I remember figuring out his class schedule and taking the long way to class just to walk passed him, to get a glimpse. I had this whole dream that one day he was going to just see me and notice my breath-taking beauty.

That never happened and I’m still not sure if he knows who I am… we are facebook friends though, so maybe there’s still hope ;)

The point of me saying all this is because for as long as I can remember I have done all the chasing. Once I’ve decided that I liked someone I would do everything in my power to be in the room with that person, to talk to that person, to share every piece of my soul with that person.

I was talking to my best friend today and she said in her simple words, “Kait, you deserve to be pursued”. After finishing our conversation, I sat on those words for while. I deserve to be pursued? What does being pursued even mean?

Then I realized that I’ve been so hung up on all my stupid little crushes that I haven’t even taken the time to just slow down, smell the roses, and see what comes my way. I haven’t let myself be pursued… even though really, I don’t think I have been… but maybe I’ve been completely blind to it too.

I think a lot of girls think they need to keep moving, to keep being what they think guys want and need. I know I feel that way sometimes, but really, I think we just need to chill out and grow comfortable with ourselves and our relationship with Christ.

When I was talking to my friend, she also mentioned that God is preparing us to be our best in him. Right now, I don’t think I am my best in him. I want who ever ends up pursuing me to pursue me because I am closer to being best in Christ, not because he sees an idea of what I can be.

Another thing is that I’m already pursued by the most important pursuer, and that is Jesus Christ. The thing I need to do now, is accept his pursuing and find joy and delight in Him. I don’t think I can enter into anything while I’m avoiding God or distracted from him.

So I guess the thing I need above all is to continue to ask God to pursue me, to encompass me with His love, and to fill me with His joy.

There is contentment and peace in Christ.