Single and I think I like it?!?

I am 22 years old. I’m nothing special. I don’t mean that in a “I have no confidence” way, If anything, I have too much confidence. I mean it more in the “I’m not that complex”. I’m easy to read, quick to speak, opinionated, loud, overrated by some, underrated by others, and just, Me. I don’t know. How would you describe yourself?

I’ve been told that we are our own worst critics. That is probably one of the most underrated statements EVER! We remember all of the negative things. (remember this for later)

I’ve been single for 21 years and 11 months, give or take. Don’t worry, I’m not counting or anything. But that’s not the point. I’ve only been asked out on a few dates, and every time I’ve gotten asked out, a panic invades my mind. It’s not the date that really scares me. It’s if the date goes well. If the date is successful, then that means I’ll have to go on another date, and then another, and so on. But the fear that I have is if I fall for this guy and he gets to know me, finds out all of my quirks, the good, the bad, and the ugly. Then one day he decides that he doesn’t like them. What a scary thing, creating my world around someone and then being told, “sorry, I don’t want to be your world”. That’s a huge identity crisis I just don’t feel like going through. So, I’m scared of love. The deep, real, messy, dirty, guy knows that I fart love.

So far, none of the dates I’ve been on have gone well enough for me to fall. So my heart has never been broken by anyone other than myself.

You may laugh at that statement, you’re probably thinking “you can break your own heart?” Why yes you can.

Let me explain. Girls are creatures of mass destruction. They meet a guy and have one good conversation with him. That’s where it all goes downhill. After the initial encounter, then they obsess their thoughts over this guy. They create the perfect man who will solve all of their problems and make them into this perfect little princess. Sadly, I’ve been guilty of this quite a bit. This is the part where the heart gets torn to pieces, ripped to shreds, and stomped on the ground. He doesn’t like her back. This isn’t the guy’s fault. I mean, he thinks she’s cool and all, but he sees her as a friend, nothing more.

This is how a girl breaks her own heart. She doesn’t understand why this guy doesn’t like her. I mean, she is so great (really she is), but he’s not responding to anything. Then she beats herself up, thinking how awful of a person she is and how since this one person doesn’t like her, no one ever will. The product we get… A girl with a broken heart.

Lets recap this: Girl meets guy + girl creates falsified idea of guy + guy likes girl as just friend + girl doesn’t get why guy doesn’t like her + girl hates herself = girl with broken heart.

This broken heart probably isn’t nearly as bad as what an actual break-up is… I wouldn’t know, I’ve never experienced one. But I’ll tell you what, it still sucks. I’m sure countless girls can attest to this. How many nights have we spent asking ourselves the question, “What’s wrong with me” or “what is it that guys don’t like about me.” We start second guessing all of the beautiful things that have made us who we are.

This is where the negative things come into play. Girls over-analyze everything. One half-negative thing is said and all of a sudden our world is shattered. Why do you think there are so many girls who lack so much confidence? Regardless of if people intend to be mean or not, the simplest words cut like a knife to the heart. We remember negative before even considering the positive.

But alas people, this has got to stop! Let me remind you of what I need to be reminded of every single day.

God made each and everyone of us beautiful. Yes we have faults that annoy the crap out of people, and yes, we fall short of God’s glory all the time. But with that said, comes the fact that we all have so much good to offer to this world and God knows where we need to be, when we need to be there, and who we need to be with, and who needs to be with us. I think that in all of my 22 short years (this means I’m not that wise, but think I know everything), I’ve never really considered this. It makes it a lot easier to wait now, doesn’t it? I mean there are still bad days, but it makes me have a lot more good days.

So hold your head up! You rock and if you know that, then everyone else will too!

That’s all I’ve got for now… hopefully my thoughts aren’t too all over the place! I wish whoever reads this many blessings and I hope you know that you are loved!

P.S. Be encouraged by this: "Your beauty should not come from outward adornment... Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight" 1 Peter 3: 3-4