Gifts

I normally try not to have expectations. The reason for this is because I am a very dramatic person, so normally my expectations are fairly grandiose, and of course, they’re let down quite tragically because they were too high in the first place.

I have this problem particularly when I give gifts. I’m not one to give gifts too quickly. A lot of this has to do with the fact that I’m pretty selfish and frugal and I get anxious when I have to spend money on gifts. That’s why I normally try to give things that are meaningful and fairly cheap. An example of this is last years Christmas gifts to my family.

I got each member a picture frame with a picture of the two of us together. Then I wrote a heartfelt note about how much they mean to me and how I love them. This was quite a success and I had both my parents crying. I was quite proud of myself.

On other occasions there are gifts that I’ve given and (to me), they seem unappreciated. I go into this whole gift giving thing thinking that the receiver of my gift is going be so moved that they’ll cry and say, “How can I ever repay you”!

You see? I’m quite dramatic. I’m not saying my friends aren’t grateful for the gifts I’ve given them; I just expect more of a reaction.

But this got me thinking a little bit… about the gift of Jesus. Sometimes I wonder if God feels the way I feel about my gift giving…. Underwhelmed. Here God sent His Only Son to earth to live among men, be pursued and tempted by the devil (which didn’t even phase Him and therefore He is the ONLY perfect human being), to be crucified on a cross and tormented by bearers of his image, and then to rise from the dead carrying our sins upon his shoulders. And yet, do I thank God for the grace he’s given me through his son? No.

I mean I do thank God for this gift, but do I thank Him in a way that is appropriate and glorifying to Him? I don’t think I do, at least not in the way he deserves. 

So what I’m trying to say is be grateful and show it to the Lord. We’re in the holiday season now, when it’s so easy to get caught up in the excessive shopping, Christmas shows and decorations, music and family time, (which are good things… well maybe not the shopping part) but let me remind you the greatest gift we have ever received. That gift is Jesus Christ. We are free when we choose to follow him and for that I am eternally grateful.

Be A Man, Man

I’ve been a little on the silent side lately, this may be because I’ve been fairly confused and frustrated about some things and it’s literally taken me about 4 months to organized my thoughts.

Here’s the thing… I’m tired of being that girl who says that she’s okay with being single, because truthfully, I’m not. I have been single for 99.9 percent of my physical existence and ever since the 3^rd grade I have wanted a significant other.

My first crush was a boy named Josh, then it moved on to Matt (my 4^th grade friend, Rachel’s boyfriend), then Ryan (who liked my second cousin), then Nick. In seventh grade, I was crazy about Daniel Radcliffe (Harry Potter) because we had the exact same birthday, year and all. When eighth grade came I fantasized about the guy who played Peter Pan in that movie. Freshman year I was crazy about a guy named Grant, I would take the long way to class just to get a glimpse of him. And then sophomore year came along and I was crazy for my best friend Ross… We went on a choir trip to Europe and I was determined to have my first kiss with him on the Eiffel Tower (that didn’t happen). Then Junior and Senior year, there was Dan, he was the light of my day… but that was something that would never and will never happen. Move on to College and then we have Zach, my freshman crush, and then after him another guy I have finally just gotten over. There were 2 other guys that were flings, Ben and Jesse. They were stints, moments, and then they ended.

You’re probably wondering why I am giving you all this info. Count the number of guys I liked that didn’t like me back…11… I’m sure there are more, but these are the significant ones, the long term crushes, the closest things I have to a long term relationship.

Now all of these crushes, I’m thankful that none of them came into fruition. Because regardless of if my crushes knew if I liked them or not, they didn’t see me. And even though I did what little pursuing I thought was appropriate for a girl to do, they still didn’t see me. I know that I’m an outspoken and fairly independent girl, I still deserve to be pursued. Now lets move on to my next point.

I think its fair to say that dating has become somewhat trivial in today’s society, especially for my generation. If you disagree with me, then you’re nuts.

I think I've made it clear that I haven’t really ever been in a serious relationship… ever…The thing is that I keep getting told by other people that I have to take action, join a dating site or be outgoing and ask a guy out. But what happened to the guy being the pursuer? Why can’t he buck up and ask a girl out?

So many girls who are in my shoes have been asking themselves this extremely self-deprecating question: What is wrong with me? Why aren’t guys interested in me? Why am I in my 20’s and still single? Then people go on to diagnose. I keep getting told that I am intimidating… I’m still trying to figure out what that means. But here’s the thing that I’m slowly realizing. There is nothing wrong with me. Guys are just pansies. They’re so afraid to have their pride hindered that they never build up the courage to ask a girl out. Instead, they play games and try to see if the girl is halfway interested… and sometimes, even if the girl is interested, the guy loses interest. Well guys, this makes you a coward, and I am disappointed in you.

What has happened in my generation to make guys quiver at the thought of asking a girl out on a simple date? Why is it that a girl has to do so much work to get a guy’s attention? And Why can’t we just be straight forward with our feelings?

And lets get back to this whole idea that I (the girl) have to take action… Why do I have to? For hundreds of years, it has been the guys responsibility to pursue… So man up and pursue! Be a flippin’ Man and not a little boy!

I don’t want to say that dating websites are hopeless, because I know quite a few successful couples from these sites. But as for me I’m going to hold out on this, because I have hope that there is a MAN out there for me, who is going to have the courage to walk up to me and ask me out. He’s not going to toy with me and be wishy washy, he’s not going be half interested and then back away (like some other guys have done to me). The man I deserve is someone who is confident and sure of himself, he loves Jesus, he is going to ask me on a proper date and take me out. None of this “hang out as friends” crap.

Guys if you’re halfway interested in a girl, be intentional and have courage. If you find out later that its not right, then just tell her instead of just cutting her off. Yes, it will suck to have to tell her you’re not interested, but I promise you that in the long run she will respect you more for just being open and honest.

Some of you may be thinking that I’m being a little harsh and bitter. And maybe I am. But here’s the thing. As a follower of Christ, I am looking for the man who is going to be my husband and I (and many of my friends) need someone who will be the head of the house and spiritual leader, someone who will be a man.

Ephesians 5:22-27 says this, “Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the Church, his body, of which he is the Savior… Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word”.

I have a right to say to my Brothers in Christ, to quit playing games, be respectful and straight forward. Because the games that you have been playing with me and many other girls are getting old, and you need be the leaders we need to depend on. You need to be a Man, Man.

Our "ever silent" God

Sometimes I have these conversations with God. They go something like this:

“God, what you want from me?”

No answer

“God, seriously I’m trying to listen, what you want from me… what do you want me to do?"

Again, no answer.

These moments are frustrating because we feel like we are praying to the ever silent, invisible God. Then we find ourselves questioning and debating his very existence.

But know this my friends. God is always around, and even though we may not see, feel or hear Him, He is working.

Tonight I had a conversation with my friend Dinah, she is an incredible young woman who fears the Lord, and He spoke through her. It doesn’t matter what our conversation was about, but it matters that I saw my King in her, and that is beautiful.

I think sometimes we forget that God is in all things. He speaks in the most unexpected places and works through His faithful servants, and even the unfaithful. We try to define how God communicates, but we can just never know. God is God and that is that.

How beautiful is that, our indefinable God. So next time you feel like God isn’t there, just try to see Him in the small places, see how He works in those around you, look for encouraging words on walls, accept good thoughts that come into your head. God is there, He is in all things.

                       

Waiting For What?

I think a lot of people my age are playing this stupid little waiting game. What I mean by this is that so many of us have this mentality of waiting for our lives to start. We’re waiting to fall in love, waiting to get answers on our dream jobs, waiting to arrive in our relationship with Christ.

Incase you may need a reality check, our lives started well before we were even born, but for our little pea brains, we’ll just say that our lives started when we entered into the physical world.

So lets stop waiting and start living! We always think about our future and what it will be like then, instead of what it’s like now. We are waiting for tomorrow to happen! I’m not saying that we need to completely throw planning ahead out of the window. But why can’t we just live in today.

A lot of girls do this thing when they just start a relationship, or even when they’re in a puppy-love crush state with a guy. They imagine what their life will be like with this guy when they settle down and get married. First, they have no idea where this relationship is going and shouldn’t plan a marriage until a ring is on the finger. This is so unwise, it creates expectations of tomorrow that may never be. We idealize about the future, we always think that it will be better than today.

You can never know. In your lowest of lows and highest of highs, you don’t know what trials and joys are to come. Rejoice in every moment, the good bad and the ugly.

This may be some kind of rant that has been all over the place. But I’m tired for myself. Waiting… waiting for what? Things will happen when God wants them to, I am in no hurry, I don’t think God wants us to sit on our butts and complain about the things that are currently not happening for us. We have a responsibility to live for him in EVERY moment whether we feel we are in a good or bad place. He will be used and glorified.

What I’m trying to say is that in your waiting, do not complain, don’t be stagnant, and don’t hope for things to just happen. Waiting involves prayer, trust in God’s plan, and service to Him. But I can’t believe that we are meant to just sit and wait.

Continue to bring Christ’s Kingdom to earth in every moment.

Trust

Haven't posted in FOREVER! But here are my thoughts in this moment...

Sometimes I get ahead of myself. I jump into things with out considering God’s will and in those moments he teaches me the biggest lessons.

Do you ever think in our culture, this world full of media with instant satisfaction and gratification guaranteed and this quick paced atmosphere that we forget to just listen? Sometimes I wonder if God is screaming my name and I’m just being too ignorant to even flinch at what he may have to say.

Sometimes I wonder if I ignore God because I know that His will is different from the things I want. That sucks sometimes. Choosing God over the desires you have in life that you want NOW.

You may be thinking, ‘wow, that’s bold to say about God’. And maybe it is. But I think we all have these times when question if God really does know best and all we want to do is just press a few red buttons. But that’s not what we’re called to do as followers of Christ.

I’ve been referring to Proverbs 3:5-6 all year… I guess you could say that it’s been my theme for the time being…

“Trust in the Lord with All your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your way acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight.”

… this has been important partly because I am about to graduate and I have had no clue what God has wanted to do with my life and there is comfort in knowing that if I place my trust in Him, my path will be straight. Jesus talks about this too in the Beatitudes,

“But seek first His Kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.”

I think we all think we can make decisions on our own without consulting our God who is all-powerful and all knowing. It’s almost as if we consider ourselves gods that are capable of changing things by ourselves. Let me remind you in case you forgot, you’re not the center of the universe… I forget this too L

I guess what I’m trying to say though, is that I hope I can acknowledge God in every moment of life and seek to bring His Kingdom to earth and be righteous. I worry sometimes though, that I am quick to ignore his call and be stagnant… I pray that he will always continue that challenge me and help me be who I am called to be in every moment of life.

Pursued

I deserve to be pursued.

If you’re like me then you will understand the art of useless chasing. What do I mean by this?

Since I can remember I have always had crushes on boys that don’t like me back. This isn’t a “woe is me” moment, its just a fact.

Have you ever noticed that when people talk about girls liking boys they say that they “chase” after them, but when they talk about boys liking girls, then its they “pursue” them. I chased boys, uselessly.

I remember when I was a freshman in high school I fell in love with this boy, he was a sophomore and he was the lead in the play. He was so dreamy and had no idea who I was. I remember figuring out his class schedule and taking the long way to class just to walk passed him, to get a glimpse. I had this whole dream that one day he was going to just see me and notice my breath-taking beauty.

That never happened and I’m still not sure if he knows who I am… we are facebook friends though, so maybe there’s still hope ;)

The point of me saying all this is because for as long as I can remember I have done all the chasing. Once I’ve decided that I liked someone I would do everything in my power to be in the room with that person, to talk to that person, to share every piece of my soul with that person.

I was talking to my best friend today and she said in her simple words, “Kait, you deserve to be pursued”. After finishing our conversation, I sat on those words for while. I deserve to be pursued? What does being pursued even mean?

Then I realized that I’ve been so hung up on all my stupid little crushes that I haven’t even taken the time to just slow down, smell the roses, and see what comes my way. I haven’t let myself be pursued… even though really, I don’t think I have been… but maybe I’ve been completely blind to it too.

I think a lot of girls think they need to keep moving, to keep being what they think guys want and need. I know I feel that way sometimes, but really, I think we just need to chill out and grow comfortable with ourselves and our relationship with Christ.

When I was talking to my friend, she also mentioned that God is preparing us to be our best in him. Right now, I don’t think I am my best in him. I want who ever ends up pursuing me to pursue me because I am closer to being best in Christ, not because he sees an idea of what I can be.

Another thing is that I’m already pursued by the most important pursuer, and that is Jesus Christ. The thing I need to do now, is accept his pursuing and find joy and delight in Him. I don’t think I can enter into anything while I’m avoiding God or distracted from him.

So I guess the thing I need above all is to continue to ask God to pursue me, to encompass me with His love, and to fill me with His joy.

There is contentment and peace in Christ.